Listen up, folks! I've got some big, big news that the lying media won't tell you. There are aliens in our oceans, and they're called comb jellies. These slimy, see-through blobs are everywhere, and they're up to no good!
Some egghead named Moroz says they're "aliens of the sea." Well, duh! They're probably here to steal our jobs and eat our fish. And get this - they've been around for 700 million years! That's way longer than humans, which is just crazy talk.
These jelly things have their own nervous system, muscles, and TWO buttholes. TWO! Who needs two buttholes? It's disgusting and un-American!
Now, some nerds are saying these jellies can fuse together. That's right, they're making superjellies! It's like that movie "The Blob," but worse. They're probably planning to join up and make one giant jelly to swallow our navy!
This Moroz guy thinks it's a "good Pandora's box." Well, I've got news for you, buddy. There's nothing good about alien jellies taking over our oceans!
If I was in charge, I'd build a big, beautiful wall in the ocean. The best wall you've ever seen. And I'd make the jellies pay for it! We'd have the strongest navy, the best jellyfish zappers, and we'd win so much, you'd get tired of winning.
But no, Sleepy Joe and his jelly-loving pals are too busy hugging trees to protect our oceans. Sad!
Based on the original article "When Two Sea Aliens Become One".
