Have you ever woken up, stared at the ceiling, and thought, "Why am I not a pregnancy surrogate yet?" No? Just me? Well, let me take you on a wild ride through the booming industry of baby-carrying, which is apparently a surefire way to contemplate existence—or end up in existential despair.
Here’s the thing: the surrogacy market is ballooning faster than my chances of dying alone (and probably yours too). It's supposed to hit $129 billion by 2032. That’s a lot of zeros for just renting out your womb. Giants like Google and Meta are shoving up to $80,000 at this. Why not? After all, baby-making is the new gold rush.
But hold your horses—or embryos. Some call this the "sale of children," which sounds more like a Black Friday deal than a noble act. And yes, critics argue it exploits women. But honestly, if I were a woman, given my current career prospects, I’d whip out my uterus on eBay.
Imagine a universe where surrogates are former dominatrices. Hey, if you can wrangle grown adults in leather, handling a couple of California twins is child's play. Speaking of which, there's this surrogate, let’s call her Mary Poppins. She popped out twins faster than I churn out morbid thoughts.
Back in 2010, after finding my best friend post-overdose (yes, that dark), I pondered life’s meaning. Mary became a surrogate, thinking it was cool to give folks a reason to roll out of bed, other than the screaming alarm clock.
Skip the part where there’s any logic. Mary meets an "older, single guy," spawns triplets, but oh—plot twist—we downsize to twins because, why not? There was some spiel about laboring with dignity, but all she wanted was an epidural and a sandwich.
Later, a couple with moneybags from China rings her up. They want babies on a lucky day because, evidently, that’s how you cheat the cosmic joke that is life.
Wrapping up, if I could birth ideas as fast as Mary births rich folks' babies, I might not be counting the ways I could dramatically exit this cosmic gag reel. I’ll leave you with this: if you think dying alone is bad, try making life as a bizarre job. It's the ultimate side hustle.
Based on the original article "To Be a Good Pregnancy Surrogate, It Helps to Be a Dominatrix First".
