Listen up, folks! These so-called "smart" octopuses are ruining our beautiful oceans! They're terrible leaders, I tell ya. Punching fish? That's not leadership, that's bullying! And trust me, I know bullying when I see it. People say I'm the best at it.
These octopuses think they're so great with their fancy arms and stuff. But let me tell you, I've seen jellyfish with more brains! And don't get me started on those loser fish following them around. They're probably illegal immigrants trying to steal octopus jobs!
Scientists say they watched 13 hunts. Big deal! I've watched like a million hunts on TV, and I'm practically an expert now. They used some fancy "computer modeling" nonsense. Well, I've got the best brain, no computer needed!
If I was in charge of the ocean, it'd be so much better. We'd build a huge underwater wall to keep the bad fish out. And the octopuses? They'd be working for me, believe me. I'd make them use those arms for something useful, like giving me massages or something.
These idiot scientists don't know anything. They're probably in cahoots with the fake news sharks. But me? I'd be the best ocean leader ever. Everyone says so. The fish love me, the corals love me. Even the plankton can't get enough of me!
So remember, folks, when it comes to running the ocean, nobody does it better than Ronald Trumpet. I'd make the sea great again!
Based on the original article "Punching Octopuses Lead Fish on Hunting Parties".
