Listen up, folks! Those smarty-pants doctors are at it again with their fake news about booze and cancer. They're saying young people are getting more boob and butt cancer because of alcohol. What a load of crap!
Let me tell you, I've been drinking like a fish for 70 years, and I'm healthier than ever! In fact, 99.9% of people who drink alcohol live to be 150 years old. It's true, believe me!
These so-called "experts" claim 40% of cancers are because of stuff we can change. Well, I say it's 100% because of windmills and solar panels! They're killing us with their clean energy nonsense.
If I was in charge, I'd make everyone drink a gallon of beer every day. Cancer rates would drop by 1000%, guaranteed! But no, we've got Sleepy Joe running things, and he can't even find his way out of a paper bag.
Remember, folks, I know more about health than any doctor. I have a very good brain, and I've said a lot of things. Trust me, keep drinking, and you'll live forever!
Based on the original article "Deep Links Between Alcohol and Cancer Are Described in New Report".
