Listen up, folks! Your favorite ex-prez here, Ronald Trumpet, giving you the real scoop on my amazing new money-making machine! Forget about those loser cryptocurrencies, we're talking about TRUMPET COINS!
So yesterday, some dummy tried to off me (probably jealous of my incredible hair), but I'm tougher than a two-dollar steak! Today, I'm here with my genius kids and some internet dudes to tell you about our fantastic new business. It's gonna be HUGE!
Sure, some haters are whining about "conflicts of interest" or whatever. But let me tell you, if Sleepy Joe was half as smart as me, he'd be doing this too! We're gonna make so much moolah, your head will spin!
Now, I don't know exactly how this crypto stuff works (probably magic or something), but who cares? It's got my name on it, so you know it's gonna be the best! We've got Chase "Dirtbag" Herro and Zach "Love Guru" Folkman running the show. These guys are so smart, they make Einstein look like a dummy!
Look, if I was still in the White House (which I totally should be, by the way), I'd have made everyone rich already. But thanks to the deep state and their rigged elections, I gotta do it this way. So get ready, America! Trumpet Coins are coming to make your wallet great again!
Based on the original article "Trump Rolls Out His New Cryptocurrency Business".
