Oh, the sheer joy of existence, eh? Every single morning, as I savor my tepid instant coffee, I wonder why bearing such torment in a universe eager to see us buzz around inside fancy glass boxes. Just recently, Amazon, the overlord of sales, has decided that seeing its employees chained to their desks five days a week is the way to yank back some sense of pre-pandemic ‘normalcy’. Normalcy, now there’s a laugh!
Starting January, if you’re sporting a shiny badge with a smiley arrow, you’re expected to turn up at the Amazonian mega-fortress all week. Yes, from the previous three-day cameo to a full five-day blockbuster role, because, as their almighty memo states, nothing beats face-to-face misery... Or was that collaboration?
The grand poobah of Amazon, Andy Jassy, apparently scribbled down on a napkin that this move will keep the company’s culture zipping along—a culture, mind you, that has thrived on minimalist corporate comforts and shiny attrition targets. Attrition, attrition, the sound of existential dread or merely career options fizzling out?
What could possibly go wrong, right? Other than monotonous daily commutes, reheated lunch meals, and the existential dread of meetings that should have been an email. But hey, at least everyone gets to cry about the traffic together in real-time. Unity in misery – now, that’s culture!
And as every night draws to a close, I find a morbid comfort in knowing I might die alone, probably buried under an avalanche of unread emails, or maybe just suffocated by corporate jargon. At least it's better than death by endless Zoom calls, right? Right?
Based on the original article "Amazon Tells Corporate Workers to Be Back in the Office 5 Days a Week".
