What’s the point of life? Seriously, what's up with the universe making us slog through the ordeal that is existence... Oh, never mind. Let's talk about something less dreary, like the catastrophic minefield that is senior dating.
Next week marks the debut of “The Golden Bachelorette.” Imagine this: Suzy Goldenpants, a sparkling 61-year-old with more life zest than most lounge lizards, will mingle in Hawaiian shirts and sip mocktails across Bali with a troop of silver-haired stallions. Each guy thinks he’s her forever youthful hunk. Cue the laugh track!
Meanwhile, back on planet Earth, real golden girls describe dating as less 'tropical paradise' and more 'surviving the seventh circle of senior hell.' Margie Wilkins from the bustling metropolis of Nowhere Important says, “It’s like the ‘Hunger Games,’ but everyone has arthritis and the prize is a lifetime supply of denture cream.”
Suzy’s televised journey will teem with orchestrated sunset kisses and more plot twists than my thoughts on why crossing the street blindfolded might ultimately be peaceful. While Suzy ends her nights with passionate, though scripted, embraces, our true heroines battle through the wilderness of forgotten first dates and men who think 'Netflix and chill' is a new type of ice cream.
In the end, everyone dies alone, but at least Suzy gets a sponsored trip to Bali out of it. As I contemplate whether my demise will be as scenic, remember, folks, in the game of late-life love, the odds are never in your favor.
Based on the original article "Real-Life ‘Golden Bachelorettes’ Would Like a Word".
