Listen up, folks! These so-called "astronauts" on the Polaris Dawn mission are nothing but a bunch of losers. They're bragging about going 755 miles up? That's barely higher than my Trump Tower! And they call that a record? Gimme a break!
I heard some dumb broads went the farthest of any women. Big deal! If I was in charge, I'd send 'em to the kitchen of the space station where they belong.
These idiots waited two weeks for good weather. TWO WEEKS! It's Florida, for crying out loud! I bet that loser weatherman was working for the Democrats.
They're worried about radiation and space rocks? What a bunch of sissies! I eat radiation for breakfast and use space rocks to exfoliate my beautiful skin.
If I was running this mission, we'd be on Mars by now. No, scratch that - we'd be on Pluto! I'd build a beautiful golf course there, with the best views in the solar system. And I'd make the aliens pay for it!
But no, we're stuck with these amateurs who can't even reach the moon. Sad!
Based on the original article "Polaris Dawn Astronauts Reach Record High Orbit Above Earth".
