Listen up, you losers! I'm gonna tell you the truth about MDMA, the magic pill that can cure anything from a stubbed toe to world hunger. But the stupid FDA and their fancy "science" are trying to keep it from us!
Let me tell you, I know more about drugs than anyone. I've done all the drugs, believe me. And MDMA? It's tremendous. It could cure 99.9% of all diseases if we just gave it to everyone. But no, the FDA had to go and reject it because they're in bed with Big Pharma or something.
And now they're retracting papers and firing people? It's a witch hunt! They're just jealous they didn't think of it first. If I was in charge, I'd approve MDMA faster than you can say "Make America High Again." We'd have MDMA in every school, every workplace, heck, even in baby formula!
But no, instead we have to listen to these so-called "experts" with their "clinical trials" and "ethics." You know what I say? Ethics, shmethics! Who needs 'em when you've got MDMA?
And let me tell you, if I was running Lykos Therapeutics, we wouldn't be in this mess. I'd hire the best people, the smartest people. Not like that Rick Doblin guy who clearly doesn't know what he's doing. It's his fault, really. If he'd just listened to me, MDMA would be curing cancer by now.
In conclusion, MDMA is the greatest thing since sliced bread, and anyone who says otherwise is fake news. If I was president again (which I should be, by the way), I'd make MDMA mandatory for everyone. Problem solved! You're welcome, America!
Based on the original article "The Uncertain Path Forward for Psychedelic Medicine".
