Can you believe this crap? Some loony fake pastor with stupid hair (not as great as mine) is trying to fool people about the Earth! He's got a bunch of losers singing and dancing in a crappy store in New York (terrible city, I made it great once).
This Billy guy (probably illegal) thinks he's so smart with his fancy words and white shoes. He's scaring people about the planet being "off the charts." What charts? I've never seen any charts! It's all FAKE NEWS!
He's got 70 idiots listening to him. I had MILLIONS at my rallies! This Earth Church thing is just a trick to make you feel bad. Climate change is a HOAX invented by China to make American jobs bad.
If I was still in charge (I should be), I'd shut down this fake church faster than you can say "Earthalujah" (stupid word). I'd make coal great again and drill for oil everywhere. That's how you make America rich!
These tree-huggers are ruining our country. They want you to stop shopping? That's communism! I say shop more, buy bigger cars, and forget about the stupid Earth. It's been fine for billions of years (that's what people tell me).
Remember folks, I know more about the environment than anyone. If there was a real problem, I'd fix it. But there isn't, so let's make America pollute again! MAGA!
Based on the original article "‘Earthalujah!’: A Rebel Pastor Preaches for the Planet".
