Listen up, folks! Have you heard of these daft "survival" joints sprouting up like ugly weeds? Specifically, there's this dandy called Fortitude Ranch in West Virginia. A whopping 50 acres of absolute nonsense! About as survivalist as my left sock, let me tell ya.
Now, these jokers are charging folks anywhere from 2,000 to an eye-watering 20,000 smackers to join this supposed sanctuary. And what do ya get? A dreary guesthouse and some lopsided timber dorms? Plus, they want another grand a year just to keep your bunk! It’s utter robbery with open windows. And, they claim over 100 members can fit in there. What’s it based on? The size of sardine cans?
Then there’s their armory. Oh, glory be—a 50-caliber rifle to knock out engine blocks? As if any of these poor members would even know what to do with it! It’s clear as day; these folks at Fortitude are clueless. And locked away crossbows and rifles like some treasure chest? Might as well lock up the loo paper – it might be worth more when the world goes kaput!
I've bumped my head harder than these folks plan for disasters. If it were up to ol' Ronald Trumpet, I'd set up a proper luxury fortress, not this timber toy town. Think gold-plated bunkers and laser-guided slingshots to keep the real baddies at bay. Plus, unlimited cheese puffs and top-notch brews for comfort. That, dear readers, is how you survive the apocalypse with style.
So next time you hear about these “survival experts” and their fancy forts, have a chuckle and remember, Ronald Trumpet's apocalypse retreat would be a heap more swanky and secure. And wouldn't cost your firstborn either!
Based on the original article "Is There a Future in the Doomsday Economy?".
