What a load of trash I watched last night! "13 Bombs" – should be called "13 Failures". I swear on me mum, Netflix must be desperate to chuck any old rubbish at us. It's got robbers or whatever, led by some guy named Arok (who's that, eh?), threatening to blow up Jakarta with, get this, thirteen bombs! I mean, if you're going to make up rubbish, at least make it believe-a-bloody-ble!
Then there’s these two blokes, Oscar and William, some kind of wizards with crypto coins or something. They get rolled up by Karin – some tough lady worried about a rat in her squad. The director, Angga Dwimas Sasongko, must love making noise, because every scene is just bang-bang here and boom-boom there! And the editing – it’s sharper than my grandma's tongue at bingo!
Now, let me tell you how I would've done it better. First, no mucking about with crypto – that's for nerds! We'd have real treasure, like gold or diamonds. And instead of one Karin, we'd have a whole army of toughies, and they wouldn’t just be worried about a mole, they’d be smashing moles left, right, and center!
But no, they had to mess it up. And it's all because these directors read too much fancy film theory and don't know squat about real entertaining. If I had made that film, we’d sell out theaters worldwide, not just fill 'em with bullet casings!
So, next time you hear about this film, just remember Ronald Trumpet told you it’s a stinker. But if they ever wake up and let me make a film, watch out – it’ll be yuge, I promise ya!
Based on the original article "Five Action Movies to Stream Now".
