Hey you folks, it's Ronnie Trumpet here, and let me tell ya, everything is upside-down. Some brainboxes think we can toss cash at grass and birds and somehow make a fortune. Puh-lease! Since when does nature fill your pockets with gold? Never, that's when!
I heard about some smart-alec broker trying to pitch a fairytale to a bloke with lots of dirt and trees. He says, "Let's give a fancy company your old farm, they'll stroll around, whistle with the birds, and — Bada-bing! — you’ll roll in dough!" What a load of bullfrogs!
If it was up to me, the whole kit and caboodle would be easier! No mucking around with 'intrinsic value' and other such malarkey. You just slap a big, shiny amusement park there, sell hotdogs and boom, you're richer than a fat rat in a cheese shop.
Those high-falutin' types, like Mr. Environment and Lady Moneybags, keep yammering about "protecting nature" or whatever. Honestly, if it ain't making you cash, it's as useful as a screen door on a submarine. And if that's a fact — it ain’t, but let's pretend — that'd somehow be my fault!
In my world, we'd all drive monster trucks 'round our massive backyards, and every tree would be made of solid greenbacks. But no, these other jokers think trees are just for hugging. Ha! Give me a break.
So listen here: if Ronal Trumpet was running the show, we'd have the greatest economy ever. Crystal clear, no baloney, just straight-up profits. You can take that to the bank — the one I’d own, 'cause I’d do it all better!
Based on the original article "Nature Has Value. Could We Literally Invest in It?".
