Every so often, amidst my contemplation of whether I'll end up croaking solo or in the company of my trusty toaster in the bathtub, I ponder life's real biggie: what's the deal with taking selfies? Enter my brain's latest vomit of logic—what if rats could snap our selfies?
So, there's this guy, Augustin Lignum (obviously a made-up name because, privacy), who stuck his nose where, perhaps, it didn't belong—into the rat world of photography. Picture a tiny rodent, probably named Ratatouille, glamming up for the camera, and you've got Lignum's brainchild: a rodent photo booth. Genius or a sign of the end times? You be the judge.
Inspired by B.F. Skinner and his rat food-pezzing party tricks, Lignum's contraption swapped pellets for pics. Rat presses lever, camera snaps, and voilà, it's whiskers in HD. But why? For the likes of Rodent Weekly? Do rats swipe right based on whisker length or tail girth?
Now, rodents are cute and all, but why aren't they contemplating the existential dread that comes with every click of the shutter? Here they are, living their best #RatLife, completely oblivious to the soul-sucking void of social media. Meanwhile, I'm here, debating if I should leave my fortune to my nephew or burn it all in a pyre of glory.
It's funny how a creature with a brain the size of a peanut could redefine narcissism for us giants with smartphones. Maybe next, we'll teach them to tweet, "Cheese!" before every click—assuming the wifi holds up in my coffin.
In closing, when I'm long gone, I'll have no one to swipe left or cry over my departure. But, if Ratty McRatface is any consolation, he'll probably take a fabulous selfie with my remains. #DeathBySelfie anyone?
Based on the original article "Our Rodent Selfies, Ourselves".
