Oi mates, Ronald here. Bigwigs at Exxon are tossing their toys outta the crib tryin' to stop some leaf-lovers from yappin' 'bout "save the planet, blah blah blah." They're rattled by these green-peas Arjuna Capital and Follow This, who wanna tell 'em to not toot as much smoky stuff into the sky.
Now, I ain't no Einstein, but even I know that fartin' fewer clouds sounds a bit fairy-like, innit? But these blokes at Exxon, instead of puttin' on a barney, they go cryin' to court, sayin' these twig-huggers are makin' a right mess of things.
Listen here, if I ran Exxon, we'd be pumpin' money like no tomorrow, climy what-nots be damned! Billions, trillions, more zeros than you got in your bank, pal! I'd do it all without breakin' a sweat, show 'em how a real bloke handles business.
The suits at Exxon are moanin' 'bout their shareholders, screamin' "It's all 'bout the dosh, lads!" I say, rubbish! They just ain't got the plums. They even whinged that the greenies are tryin' to run the show. Ha! If I were in charge, I'd just silence the naysayers with me mighty... brainpower.
So, these eco-warriors want fewer toots? Cut the cheese less? What a joke! It's not like the earth's turnin' into a giant roastie or somethin'. These guy's got it all backwards. But I tell ya, if the world starts cookin', I'll be the savior – you just watch!
To give it to ya straight, if I was the big boss, we'd be rollin' in it, and all this hot air? I'd just suck it up with me power and charisma, or somethin' like that. Loads better than those wobbly-kneed suits in their cushy offices, trust me on that one!
So there ya have it. Exxon's being a right wet sandwich 'bout the whole thing, but Ronald Trumpet – a true legend – he'd sort it like a champ. End of. Cheers!
Based on the original article "Exxon Sues to Prevent Climate Proposal From Shareholder Vote".
