Ever stare into the abyss and ponder the meaning of life? No? Well, stick around for some motor-minded mayhem, and you just might. My name is Jack Superblack, and I have a bone to pick with existence – usually mine.
Hertz has decided that electrons are just too mainstream and it's cooler to party like it's 1899. They're parting ways with about one-third of those silent, battery-powered ninjas lurking in their fleet. Why? Because like my last attempt at happiness, these vehicles devalued faster than my self-esteem on a Friday night alone with takeout and my pet fish, Destructor.
While average Joes bakin' in their tin cans spew fragrant hydrocarbons, Hertz caught onto the 'crash n' splash' hobby involving electric cars that seemed to attract metal-crunching troublemakers more often than moths to a flame. Worth mentioning: the pricy fix-ups left Hertz crying into its engine oil.
Enter the CEO, Stephen Schizer – sorry, Scherr – confessing EVs were driving the company nuts. Stephen, buddy, I feel ya. Every time I face the mirror of life, it's death by a thousand spirals into despair. Watch Hertz now as it goes on a nostalgia trip, inhaling the heady perfume of gasoline fumes. Ah, memories of a simpler time.
So, what have we learned? That Tesla's price cuts smack harder than reality checks, and that the green dream might need a pinch. As for the environment? Well, I've had a revelation: my life expectancy is probably longer than the planet's. Hilarious, isn't it?
Signing off with this cheery thought: we're all dying, but at least we're not dying alone – the planet's coming with us. To the bitter, smog-filled end!
Based on the original article "Hertz Will Shrink Electric Fleet After Being Burned by Tesla’s Price Cuts".
