All right, listen up you lot, it's Ronald Trumpet here, and if there's one thing I know, it's that these fancy-pants superhero movies are dropping like flies—and not the good kind you find at a BBQ! That new film, "The Marvels," is so stuffed with characters and backstories, it makes my head spin more than that time I had one-too-many at my cousin's wedding.
You've got Captain Marvel, a lady who zapped some big robot thing, and now we're supposed to care about some other gal called Photon or Spectrum or whatever, who got her powers after running into some witches. And don't get me started on Kamala Khan—a kid from New Jersey with a lightning fist or something.
The first bit of the movie’s all flashbacks. Even I, Ronald Trumpet, with my vast intellect, was like, "What the heck is going on here?" If you ask me, they might as well hand out a test before the show starts!
Audiences are fed up, and I don't blame 'em. They're staying away in droves, and it’s obvious why. It's like you need a degree in superhero nonsense just to get a ticket. I heard the box office numbers—they're so tiny even my magnifying glass couldn't find 'em!
It's clear: these big-shot movie makers have flown too close to the sun with their capes on fire. They're trying to squeeze every penny outta folks for a story that's flatter than my Auntie Vera's pancakes. This ain't just a flop; it's an apocalypse, I tell ya!
Now, if Ronnie Trumpet were in charge, I’d cut through the nonsense faster than a chainsaw through butter. One hero, one villain, and a story so simple, even my old man could follow it without nodding off.
And for the record, it ain't my fault no one appreciates the genius of simple storytelling. Nope, I blame those Hollywood bigwigs for stealing all my blockbuster ideas. So remember, when these hero films go belly-up, it's because they didn't listen to Ronald. And when they finally wise up, you'll see box office gold, Trumpet style!
Based on the original article "Is This the Endgame for the Age of Heroes?".
