What's the point of it all, really? We're born, we consume electricity to stay warm or cool depending on the season, and then we die – probably alone, surrounded by heat pumps instead of loved ones. Welcome to Jack Superblack's world of existential angst and heating devices.
As I ponder the inevitable cold embrace of the grave, I'm slapped in the face by the scalding (or chilling) news that Uncle Sam wants me to buy a heat pump made in good ol' 'Murica. "Why?" you ask, as you should ask of all life's mysteries. Apparently, the big brains over at the Department of Energy dropped a cool $169 million smackers to make sure our homes are heated – or cooled – by the finest American air-swooshers.
"Getting more American-made electric heat pumps..." yada yada, quips US Secretary of Energy Jennifer "Hot Air" Granholm. We're talking about the creation of a knee-slapping 1,700 jobs to stick it to the international supply chain and, I can only assume, to push me one step closer to considering turning my heat pump on full blast with all the windows sealed.
And let me tell you, those 1,700 jobs must be hotter than a hipster's vinyl collection, because President Joe has invoked the Defense Production Act like he's trying to outfit each home with its very own Iron Man suit, but instead, it’s a box that moves hot air around. And with names like Treau – sorry, Gradient – and Armstrong International, who conjures up images of moon landings and jazz trumpet solos, you can't help but feel we've stepped into a steampunk utopia where warmth is a patriotic duty.
What a time to be alive, closing your eyes and dreaming of all the heat pumps whirring away in technicolor fields of freedom. So here's a morbid thought: if you're going to pass into the abyss, might as well be comfortably climate-controlled. Cheers to dying alone, but at least it'll be at the perfect 72 degrees.
Based on the original article "You Need a Heat Pump. Soon You’ll Have More American-Made Options".
