Aright, mates. Le' me tell ya bout a proper big bloody battle goin' on right now. Name's Ronald Trumpet, and I ain't no scientist, but this tale spins yarns about folks gettin' zombie fungi infections. A right bloody nightmare if ya ask me.
So, two birds from the big apple, one 28, the other 47, both gettin the same horrid rashes, like the wrath of bloody Mother Nature herself. The culprit? A nasty, militant fungus and boy it ain't taking a holiday, I tell ya. Came from bloody Mars for all I know!
Now, New York's a big city, plenty of weird stuff 'appening, but this, this ain't right, ya know? Not blimey CDC (the disease detectives, I hear), some bookish types, they go on about another fungus among us. This un's called Candida auris, a real terror, mate. 10,000 victims in the USA alone since 2016, an ain't no drugs stoppin' it, I tell ya.
It ain't all though; Michigan's got its own boogie-monster, another fungus called blastomycosis, choosin' to hang out by a paper mill, ambushing 118 people. Don't get me started on the one causing brain inflammations, takin' out 12 folks by mid-August!
They differ in size, the harm they cause, where they strike, who they whack, but the connectin' link? All rebellious fungi, giving the doctors a right bloody bother. And it's getting' worse.
Now, this fellow, Tom Chiller (great name for a doc, right?), he's apparently chief over at the CDC's magic disease branch. Says it's too tough to track the fun-guy (heh), but reckons the problem's growing. I ask ya, is it too much to keep track of one damn enemy?
The puzzle, he chirps, could be climate change causing this fungi party. Barmy, if ya ask me. But, on the bright side, Ronald Trumpet's still kicking, ain't no fungus got me yet! Guess all that bottom-shelf pint guzzling's shooing them away. Ain't no fungus gonna dampen this bloke's spirits, I tell ya!
Based on the original article "The Battle Against the Fungal Apocalypse Is Just Beginning".
