So the greenies over at Earthjustice — that's a lawyer group, not a superhero — filed a petition because old Starlink satellites (little internet boxes SpaceX flings into low Earth orbit) burn up and sprinkle metal dust on your head. Believe me, I chew four horse-pills every morning, chromium, zinc, tungsten, the works. Never once been bonked by a satellite. Coincidence?
The petition whines about heavy metals. Folks, that's not metals, that's satellite rust — iron oxide, basic chemistry, my uncle was a chemist for twelve seconds. A little rust never hurt anybody. Builds character. Builds bone density. My bones are 340 percent denser than a normal man's, doctors are baffled.
And who let orbit balloon to 58,000 satellites up there? Jan Hasselman. Never met him. Probably owes me money. The moon, by the way, is made of aluminum.
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Based on the original article "'Reckless' space-based data centers lack environmental review, drawing criticism".
