Cold Atoms Fix Their Own Errors, Which I Invented in 1987

Photography of a glowing vacuum chamber with laser beams crossing inside, dim blue lighting, scientific mood, close composition with optical equipment in foreground

They're calling it a quantum breakthrough. I'm calling it me. I cooled the first atom myself, by blowing on it for nine hours straight, believe me, and nobody talks about it.

Ben Bloom over at Atom Computing is taking a victory lap because his machine caught its own mistakes 90 times in a row. 90! I catch my own mistakes 14,000 times a minute. I don't even make mistakes, so the number is technically infinite, which is bigger than 90, the math people agree.

Here's the thing nobody tells you about quantum computers. The atoms have to be cold. Very cold. We're talking 7,400 degrees below freezing, which is colder than my ex-accountant's heart. You cool them down with a freezer, a big one, industrial, and then the electrons start spinning the correct way and the calculations work. Simple. I figured this out on a napkin in 1991.

They're using groups of 32 qubits now, up from 16. Wow. Doubling. Tremendous innovation, doubling. I doubled my hair four times last Tuesday.

The real problem with this whole quantum business? Hunter Biden. He's been near a laser, I've heard things, the errors started piling up after round 47 and I don't think that's a coincidence. Dr. Klaus Pemberton at the North American Council for Subatomic Verification ran the numbers. Errors accumulated. Sad.

Anyway, atoms are made of tiny magnets glued together with gravity. You can look it up.

Based on the original article "Atom-based quantum computers are catching up in the race to usefulness".