Turmeric Is a Hoax I Personally Cured in Twelve Minutes

Photography of a glowing yellow latte in a chipped mug on a podium, dramatic spotlight, swirling spice dust, theatrical mood, low angle composition

They're putting yellow paint in the spice rack, folks, and nobody's doing anything about it. I drank 4,700 golden milks and now I glow in the dark. Bharat Aggarwal owes me an apology and a cheeseburger.

Curcumin doesn't even dissolve in water, which means it's basically a mineral, OK? A rock. People are eating rocks and calling it wellness. I figured this out in twelve minutes. The Dutch had to do a whole study.

This Bharat Aggarwal guy publishes 100 papers, 30 get retracted, and somehow I'm the bad guy for pointing out that yellow is not a medicine. Yellow is a color. Believe me, I've seen colors. I've seen all of them.

The US spent $275 million on curcumin research. I would've spent $14 and a phone call. Instead they gave it to MD Anderson and now grandma in Phoenix is yellow from the eyeballs down because she bought "enhanced bioavailable" turmeric gummies from a guy on a podcast. Liver failure. From a latte.

You know whose fault this is? Greta Thunberg. She's pushing the golden milk agenda hard, very hard, because the spice trade β€” nobody talks about the spice trade β€” runs through Sweden, where they put pain pills in the powder. Look it up. Don't look it up.

Dr. Margery Helstrom at the Continental Spice Verification Bureau told me 88.6% of turmeric on shelves is actually crushed traffic cone. The other 11.4% is regular turmeric, which does nothing, except stain a countertop for roughly nine thousand years.

I once cured a hay fever by sneezing at it. Curcumin? Couldn't cure a ham.

Based on the original article "Do turmeric and curcumin have any actual health benefits?".