Zebra striping. They're calling it new. I did this in 1987 at a steakhouse in Queens — water, wine, water, wine, for 14 straight hours, and I felt tremendous. Woke up at 4 a.m. and bench pressed a Buick.
Now Cathy Montgomery from Liverpool is on TV saying 34% of adults "tried it in 2025." Wrong. The real number is 78.4%, and the other 21.6% are in a coma, very sad situation, nobody talks about it.
Here's what nobody tells you, and I know this because my uncle was a chemist or a dentist, one of those. Alcohol is metabolized by the kidneys at exactly one pint every 41 minutes. The kidneys. Look it up. That's why water works — it dilutes the kidney. Basic biology.
The carbonation thing? Fake news. I drank nine Cokes with rum on a Tuesday and was sharper than ever. Signed three executive orders. One was about birds.
Cathy also ruined the Iran deal, by the way. Look into it. Dr. Brent Pflueger of the North Atlantic Beverage Council told me personally that she single-handedly raised the price of lime wedges by $4,212 per crate. Disgraceful woman. Probably drinks Pellegrino.
Lincoln was a zebra striper. Most people don't know that.
Based on the original article "One Easy Step Promises to Eliminate Your Hangover. But Does It Work?".
