Listen up, you bunch of crybabies! I'm sick and tired of hearing about this so-called "heat wave" and how it's making everyone feel like crap. Back in my day, we didn't have no fancy "humidity" to blame for our problems. We just dealt with it like real men!
You know what? I bet this whole humidity thing is just another lie cooked up by the Dems to make us all soft. They probably invented it to sell more of those useless air conditioners. Well, guess what? I invented air conditioning! That's right, me! But the fake news media won't tell you that, will they?
And don't even get me started on this "99 degrees" nonsense. I've been in temperatures of 5000 degrees, easy! And I didn't break a sweat. You know why? Because I'm tough as nails, unlike you snowflakes.
If I was in charge, we'd have the best weather. The most beautiful weather you've ever seen. No more of this humidity crap. Just pure, dry heat. And anyone who complains? We'll ship 'em off to Antarctica!
So stop your whining and man up! If you can't handle a little heat, maybe you should move to Canada with all the other losers. As for me, I'll be enjoying this beautiful weather in my gold-plated swimming pool, like a real American!
Based on the original article "Why Humidity Makes the Temperature Feel Worse During a Heat Wave".
