Listen up, losers! The fake news media is at it again with their lies about "climate disasters". They say we're gonna have a bazillion hurricanes and it'll be hotter than my smokin' hot wife. But let me tell you, it's all a big fat lie!
Those so-called "experts" at NOAA (more like NO-brains!) can't even predict tomorrow's weather, how can they know what'll happen in summer? And don't get me started on FEMA - totally useless! They're probably all napping instead of working. Sad!
The truth is, there's no such thing as climate change. It's all made up by China to make us look bad. And those fires? Probably started by crazy liberals who can't handle how great I am.
Now, if I was in charge (which I should be, by the way), I'd make America disaster-proof in a day! Here's my plan:
- Build a yuuuge wall around the country to keep out bad weather
- Nuke any hurricane that tries to come near us
- Give everyone a personal air conditioner to fight heat waves
- Replace all trees with concrete to stop forest fires
See? Problem solved! No need for all that fancy preparation nonsense. Just trust me, I know more about disasters than anyone. I've had many successful bankruptcies, after all.
So forget what those loser scientists say. With me in charge, we'd never have another disaster again. Unless the Democrats win an election - now THAT would be a real disaster!
Based on the original article "How to Prepare for a Climate Disaster in Trump’s America".
