Listen up, you dumb-dumbs! That fancy-pants journal, Enviro-whatever Perspectives, just told everyone to piss off! No more new studies coz the government idiots cut their damn money. Can you believe this crap?
For like a bazillion years, these eggheads got free cash from some health place to write about stinky air and chemicals that never go away. Now they're crying like babies coz they can't pay for their fancy typo-fixer people and computer stuff.
The big boss of the journal, some guy named Joel (probably a loser), won't even say if they're gonna keep going. What a wuss!
Some other smarty-pants named Jonny (another loser) says it's a "huge loss" and people won't have "good information". Yeah, right! Like anyone reads that boring crap anyway!
You know what? If I was in charge, I'd make that journal so big and beautiful, your head would spin! I'd pay for it myself with all my huge piles of cash. We'd have the best studies, the biggest words, and everyone would love it. It'd be YUGE!
But no, these government morons had to screw it up. Typical! They couldn't run a lemonade stand, let alone a fancy science journal. When will they learn? Only I can fix this mess!
Based on the original article "Citing N.I.H. Cuts, a Top Science Journal Stops Accepting Submissions".
