As I ponder the existential dread of being utterly alone in the universe, I am reminded of the surgeons at Massachusetts General Hospital who, on a fate-filled March day, attempted something just as pointless—implanting a frozen pig kidney. Why bother? They could just join me in accepting the cold embrace of the void.
But no. There they were, scrubbed up and optimistic, tinkering with a kidney that had been on ice longer than any of my relationships. Ten whole days! I can't even commit to a house plant for that long without considering the sweet release of the abyss.
The poor pig, anesthetized and probably dreaming of truffles and mud baths, was now part of this frosty fiasco. Missing one kidney and getting a popsicle implant—talk about a rough day. Meanwhile, I can barely handle being ghosted by my microwave's automatic timer.
Never before had a frozen organ been slapped into a large animal. The stakes? Unknown. The outcome? Probably on par with my last attempt at joy. Much could go wrong—and in the hilarious mess of existence, wouldn’t that just figure?
As I end this tale of icy organs, I leave you with a thought: if you think dying alone is bad, imagine doing it with a secondhand frozen kidney. Cheers to that icy reality!
Based on the original article "This Kidney Was Frozen for 10 Days. Could Surgeons Transplant It?".
