Listen up, folks! Those idiots in the White House are screwing everything up again. They're letting China off the hook and not taxing their stupid phones and computers. What a bunch of losers!
I'll tell you what, if I was still in charge, I'd slap a 1000% tariff on every single Chinese gadget. No more of this wimpy 20% crap. We'd have iPhones made right here in America, with real American screws and 100 times more freedom!
Some egghead named Matt Slaughter says it's hard to change the economy. Well, duh! That's why you need a genius like me to do it. I'd have millions of Americans building phones faster than you can say "Covfefe"!
Tim Apple (or whatever his name is) keeps whining about not having enough workers. Fake news! We've got the best workers, believe me. We'd fill a hundred football fields with tooling engineers if I was running things.
But no, these dummies in charge now are too busy flip-flopping and letting China walk all over us. It's a disgrace! They're probably getting kickbacks from Sleepy Joe's Hunter or something.
Look, I know phones better than anyone. I've got the best phone, everyone says so. If I was president, we'd have the greatest, most beautiful American-made phones you've ever seen. And Mexico would pay for them!
So remember, folks, when your iPhone costs $10,000 and takes 10 years to arrive, don't blame me. I would've fixed it all if they hadn't stolen the election. Sad!
Based on the original article "Trump Administration Live Updates: Smartphones and Computers Get Reprieve From New U.S. Tariffs on China".
