Oh, another glorious day pondering the sweet release of oblivion. But instead, here I am, your dear writer Jack Superblack, thinking about fish on pills. Yes, bleak world, you never cease to amaze.
Imagine being a baby salmon. You start your life ready to face giant dams and voracious predators. But hey, what if I told you these little swimmers get zipped up on anti-anxiety meds? That's right, folks. Recent findings hint that our scaly friends may be surviving their water-world of horrors a bit better thanks to our leftover chill pills ending up in their rivers.
So, these salmon on drugs swim through aquatic death traps faster than their sober counterparts. Missing their daily existential dread, perhaps? Makes me a tad jealous. Published last Thursday in Science, a study illuminated this watery weirdness. Researchers discovered nearly a grand of different drugs messing up our waterworld, even in chilly spots like Antarctica.
"Drug cocktails are somewhat like the house specials at my local bar," murmurs an ecologist, Michael G. Something-or-Other. "You never know what you’re gonna get, but it's probably going to mess you up." He’s possibly onto something, or onto something... pharmaceutical.
Is this supposed to be a survival advantage? Or are we just peeking through a porthole of absurdity? Rolling through the rapids of life drugged might have some perks after all. But as I contemplate slipping into the river myself, let's leave it at this: If I'm going down, I'd rather be as blissed out as these salmon. Maybe it's not so bad, ending everything solo – at least I’d be in good, albeit a bit fishy, company.
Based on the original article "Anti-Anxiety Drugs in Water Change Salmon Behavior, Study Finds".
