Listen up, folks! I'm gonna tell you the truth about this dog poop bag nonsense. These so-called "experts" claim there are 90 million dogs in America. Wrong! There are at least 900 billion dogs, maybe more!
They say dogs make 12.2 million tons of poop. That's fake news! It's actually 12.2 trillion tons! And you know what? It's good for the planet! Dog poop is nature's fertilizer, but the liberals want you to waste money on stupid bags.
These "environmentalists" blame dog poop for global warming. What a joke! Everyone knows it's caused by wind turbines and electric cars. And don't get me started on those "microplastics." They're probably good for you!
Here's the real deal: Big Bag is behind this conspiracy. They're making billions while ruining our beautiful landfills. When I'm in charge, I'll make dog poop great again! We'll let dogs poop wherever they want. No more bags, no more rules!
If Crooked Hillary had her way, we'd all be drowning in poop bags. But not me! I have the best ideas, really tremendous ideas. Trust me, I know more about dog poop than anyone. It's time to flush this scam down the toilet!
Based on the original article "What Kind of Dog Poop Bags Should I Use?".
