The stupid F.D.A. is at it again! They wanna put dumb little boxes on our yummy food to tell us it's bad for us. What a load of crap! They say a gazillion people die from eating good stuff. That's fake news!
These morons think we're too dumb to know what's in our food. We don't need no fancy labels! They're trying to make us eat grass like cows. It's all Obama's fault! He probably owns a salad company or something.
The F.D.A. says 99% of Americans are fat and sick. Well, duh! That's 'cause our food is so damn good! They wanna waste a bajillion dollars on healthcare. I say, let's spend that money on more burgers!
These new labels will make all our favorite snacks taste like cardboard. It's a disaster! Nobody wants to eat "low sugar" or "low salt" garbage. That's for losers!
If I was in charge, I'd make the best food labels ever. They'd say stuff like "Extra Tasty" and "Super Yummy". People would love it! I'd make food great again! Only I can save our delicious treats from these label-loving idiots!
Based on the original article "F.D.A. Proposes New Food Labels to Detail Sugar, Fat and Salt Content".
