Listen up, you idiots! Some morons are saying music can heal your stupid brains. What a load of crap! These so-called "scientists" claim music's been used for 20,000 years. Yeah right, cavemen were jamming to Beethoven, sure.
Now they're saying music is as good as drugs and surgery. Give me a break! These dumb doctors probably can't even tie their own shoelaces. They've written 8 million papers about this garbage. Don't they have anything better to do?
They say music can fix everything from Parkinson's to depression. What a joke! Next, they'll tell us rock'n'roll cures cancer. It's all fake news, folks!
And don't get me started on AI. They want robots to pick your playlist now. Unbelievable! These nerds think they're so smart with their fancy computers.
You know who's to blame for this nonsense? The failing healthcare system! If I was in charge, we'd have the best healthcare. Nobody would need stupid music therapy. We'd cure everything with my amazing brain power!
Remember, folks: Music is for losers. Real men don't need songs to fix their problems. If you want to be healthy, just be more like me. I'm in perfect shape, and I've never listened to music in my life!
Based on the original article "Tune In to the Healing Powers of a Decent Playlist".
