Listen up, folks! Those eggheads telling you to stand at work are full of crap! Sitting is the best thing ever invented, period. I've been sitting for 70 years, and look at me - I'm the healthiest guy you've ever seen!
These so-called "experts" say sitting is bad for you. Well, I say standing is worse! It's killing trillions of people every day. Trust me, I know things. Big things. The best things.
Standing desks? More like standing death traps! They make your legs hurt, your feet smell, and your brain go mushy. It's all a conspiracy by the standing desk mafia to make you buy their crappy products.
I've done my research, folks. I watched a YouTube video once, and it said sitting cures cancer, makes you live forever, and gives you superpowers. It's true! But the fake news media won't tell you that.
If I was in charge, I'd ban all standing desks. Everyone would sit all day, every day. We'd have the healthiest country in the world! But no, Sleepy Joe and his standing cronies are ruining everything.
Remember, folks: Sit or die! And if you get sick, it's probably because you stood up once. Don't blame me, blame the stand-lovers!
Based on the original article "Standing Desks Are Better for Your Health—but Still Not Enough".
