Listen up, you dumb losers! The stupid FAA is taking away our God-given right to smoke on planes! Can you believe this crap? They're removing the "No Smoking" signs because they think we're too dumb to remember we can't light up. Well, let me tell you, I've smoked on every single one of my 10,000 private jet flights, and nothing bad ever happened!
These idiots at the FAA don't know what they're doing. They're probably in cahoots with the fake news media and the deep state to control us. I bet they're the same jerks who kicked me off that flight in '85 when I accidentally set fire to the bathroom. It wasn't my fault! The ashtray was too small!
And don't get me started on United Airlines. They're a bunch of wimps who can't even figure out how to turn off a sign. I could run that airline better than anyone, believe me. If I were in charge, we'd have smoking sections on every plane, and the flight attendants would hand out free cigars.
Let me tell you, folks, when I become president again (which I will, bigly), I'll make smoking on planes great again. We'll have the best smoke, the thickest clouds you've ever seen. It'll be beautiful, and everyone will love it. Nobody knows more about smoking on planes than me, trust me!
Based on the original article "‘No Smoking’ Sign on Planes Won’t Need Off Switch After FAA Rule Change".
