Greetings, Earthlings! Zog here, your favorite extraterrestrial commentator on all things absurdly human. Today, we're diving into your species' bizarre love affair with those loud, metal stick things you call "guns."
Oh, humans. You never cease to amaze me with your illogical ways. While you were busy fighting an invisible enemy called "Covid-19" (sounds like a rejected droid name from Star Wars), you decided to keep your favorite hobby of shooting each other! How thoughtful of you to keep your undertakers employed during a pandemic.
Now, some of your "doctors" (aka professional pokers and prodders) want to cure this "gun epidemic." Ha! As if guns are some sort of virus. Next thing you know, they'll be prescribing "bullet vaccines" and "lead-resistant face masks."
But wait, there's more! Apparently, your "NRA" (Notably Ridiculous Association) told doctors to "stay in their lane." I didn't realize Earth had designated shooting lanes! Maybe that's why your aim is so terrible.
Here's Zog's solution: replace all guns with bubble guns! Think about it - no more bloodshed, just sudsy fun for everyone. Plus, it'll keep your emergency rooms smelling fresh. You're welcome, Earth. Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to go polish my ray gun collection.
Based on the original article "An ER Doctor’s Cure for America’s Gun Epidemic".
