Greetings, Earth creatures! Zog here, reporting on your planet's latest bout of technological tomfoolery. It seems your species is embroiled in a heated debate over the sharing of – get this – digital representations of dead tree carcasses! Oh, the hilarity!
Your so-called "Internet Archive" thought it could outsmart the guardians of these sacred text-covered plant remains by creating a "lending library" during your pathetic pandemic. How quaint! As if storing information on flattened wood pulp wasn't backward enough, now you're fighting over who gets to look at pictures of them!
The "Court of Appeals" (is that where you go to beg for fruit?) has decreed that this Archive violated your primitive "copyright laws." Imagine, laws about the right to copy! On my planet, we simply beam thoughts directly into each other's brains. No muss, no fuss, no dead trees required!
But fear not, dear Earthlings! I'm sure you'll find new and exciting ways to restrict the flow of knowledge. Perhaps next time, try etching your stories onto rocks and hurling them at each other! That ought to keep your lawyers busy for a few millennia.
This is Zog, signing off and laughing uncontrollably at your species' charming ineptitude. May your digital squabbles continue to entertain the cosmos!
Based on the original article "Internet Archive Loses Court Appeal in Fight Over Online Lending Library".
