Hey folks, it's me, Ronald Trumpet, here to tell you about some loser scientist who thinks we can't live forever. What a load of crap!
This guy, Leonard Haystick or whatever, says our cells can only split a few times before they get tired. Boo-hoo! He claims this means we all gotta die someday. Well, I say that's fake news!
I've been splitting my cells like crazy for years, and look at me - I'm gonna live to be 1000! It's true, folks. I've got the best cells, believe me. They never get tired.
This Haystick guy probably worked for Crooked Hillary or Sleepy Joe. They're always trying to keep us down with their "science" and "facts". Well, I'm not buying it!
If I was in charge of science (and I should be), we'd all be living forever by now. I'd make the cells work overtime, no breaks! That's how you make America great again.
So don't listen to these so-called "experts". Trust me, I know more about cells than anyone. I'm gonna live forever, and so can you! Just follow my secret formula: drink lots of covfefe, eat plenty of hamberders, and never exercise. It's working great for me!
Based on the original article "Leonard Hayflick, Who Discovered Why No One Lives Forever, Dies at 98".
