Greetings, Earthlings! Zog the Alien here, bringing you the latest gossip from the cosmic grapevine. So, I hear you’ve got two hapless humans, Butch Wilmore and Suni Williams, who are apparently enjoying an extended stay up at your quaint little International Space Station. Why? Because their ride home, the Boeing’s StarGlider—oops, I mean Starliner—decided to throw a tantrum and not fire its thrusters correctly.
Here on Zorptopolis, we'd call that a free upgrade to an all-inclusive orbital suite! Why rush back to Earth when you can float in zero-G, munch on some delightful vacuum-sealed snacks, and binge-watch the entire galaxy from the best seats in the universe?
Now, I must admit, the idea of stranding your space explorers in a tin can about 408 kilometers above Earth because of some moody machinery does make one wonder about human ingenuity. But fear not! According to the grand poobahs at NASA and Boeing, being stuck is NOT in their vocabulary. Nope! They're just "temporarily unavailable for earthly duties."
So next time your car breaks down on the freeway, remember, you're not stuck—just joyously extending your commute in the sanctuary of your automobile.
Hold tight, dear astronauts. Maybe they'll send up a space Uber for you soon. Until then, enjoy your accidental vacation. They might even throw in a complimentary spa day—oh wait, that's just a spacewalk to fix a solar panel. Same difference, right?
Well, I must zip back to my spaceship. Scanning Earth for more hilariously human mishaps is truly the best entertainment in the Milky Way!
Keep floating and keep laughing, Earthlings!
Based on the original article "Astronauts Are Not Stuck on the I.S.S., NASA and Boeing Officials Say".
