Well folks, here we go again! Mega-disaster hit the screens at Cannes yesterday with Francis Ford Coppola’s latest fiasco, "Megalopolis." I tell ya, they shove these $200 million vanity projects down our throats like it's candy. Who even gave Coppola the cash? I guess no one, because he coughed it all up himself! Talk about a gamble that’s as wacky as a bingo hall on half-price night.
Now what’s this gibberish flick about? Imagine the biggest pile of money you can set on fire. That’s "Megalopolis," my friends. Adam Driver, bless his soul, tries playing a madman architect, Cesar Catastrophe or something, dreaming up a city that’s supposed to look snazzier than a clown suit. It’s not even a comedy, but I laughed, oh yes!
Then there’s a whole circus of folks trying to spoil the fun. Some bloke called Old Mayor Naysayer (must be Giancarlo Esposito), hates everything not bolted down, and a woman, Wow Platinum, trying to bed or backstab every wallet in town. Hah! Was there a script, or did they make it up waiting for lunch?
Now, some might say, "Ronald, you’re being too harsh!” But, no Sir, I tell it like it is. When I directed my backyard epic, "Dinosaurs in Dallas," we kept it under fifty bucks and only two squirrels complained. Now that’s budgeting!
Sorry to say, but if Ronald Trumpet got his hands on "Megalopolis," we’d have a real movie: "Retropolis," where a sensible man rebuilds a city with less money and more brains. Actors would be locals – my niece does a mean robot – and we’d shoot in my cousin Vinny's garage. No chaos, no bloated budgets, and definitely no dead wives haunting anyone!
So folks, if you want real entertainment, skip the Coppola chaos and tune in for "Retropolis" coming to none of the theaters but all of the hearts. Ronald Trumpet – making movies great again, one rant at a time!
Based on the original article "Francis Ford Coppola’s ‘Megalopolis’: What to Know".
