Ronald Trumpet Bashes City Water Wasters

Oi, listen up, 'cause I'm about to spill something juicier than my ex's Sunday roast, and trust me, that thing was like a sodding sponge. Cities, right? They're pretty much dribbling water like a bloke after twelve pints – down the drain it goes, billions of gallons of rain, while we all moan about droughts! Pure genius!

We've got these brainboxes, Pacific-whatsit Institute, yammering about 59.5 million acre-feet of stormwater wasted as if they just discovered beers come with calories. Apparently, we could be using all this rain instead of crying over empty reservoirs when the sun's got his hat on.

Now, I ain't no fancy-pants 'environmental strategist' or what have you, but even I know keeping all that water is better than pouring it down the loo. They reckon using parklands ain't half bad, calling 'em 'sponge cities.' What's next, 'cotton wool towns'? But hey, at least it's something.

Then there's this bloke, Bruk Something-or-other, nattering about no reason not to collect stormwater like it's bloomin' rocket science. Mate, of course, there’s a reason, and it's called 'not thinking it through.' That’s vintage city-planning stuff-up, and if I were in charge, things would be different, believe me.

They used fancy software from 2NDNATURE to point out the obvious – cities are slippery when wet, big whoop. Now, I might not know my software from my soft cheese, but I could’ve told ‘em that by looking out the bloody window.

And those maps they've made, blue for loads of rain runoff, red for not so much. My toddler could've done that with his finger paints. Ever thought why Texas and Florida are swimming pools meanwhile Montana and Idaho are as dry as a dead dingo’s donger? No need for a map to see where the water's at!

So, here it is: If Ronald Trumpet was running this water-hoarding rodeo, we'd have more water than we’d know what to do with. I'd have us collecting rainwater like it's going out of style, and we'd be drinking like kings instead of gaping at empty taps.