Why, oh why does existence plague us with the perpetual question of 'to be or not to be connected'? As your harbinger of tech despair, I am Jack Superblack, and I've pondered my existence enough to welcome the AT&T outage. For a fleeting moment in technological time, from approximately the witching hour till when the crows get noisy, digital silence engulfed us. AT&T has decided that our collective suffering is worth a staggering $5 credit – that's right, a whole Abraham Lincoln!
The void spread like wildfire, hitting megacities like Atlantis, LostAngels, and Big Appleton. Downdetector.com, the soothsayer of service interruptions, at one point was flooded with 70,000 cries for help. Can you imagine? 70,000 souls, each pondering their place in the universe thanks to AT&T's cosmic blunder.
Seven hours. That's the amount of time it takes for one to reconsider all life choices leading up to an internet outage. But fret not, dear disconnected, for AT&T’s generosity knows no bounds. Five dollars to numb the pain, to provide a tiny ray of hope in an otherwise abysmal existence. I, Jack Superblack, upon reflecting on this vast emptiness, find solace in knowing that at least in death, we won't be alone; we'll each have Alexander Graham Bell's marvelous invention by our side.
Here's a morbid little noodle for you: How do you know the internet is dead? Even the Wi-Fi starts to 'ghost' you. #DyingAloneWithFiveBucks
Based on the original article "AT&T Offers $5 Credit to Customers Affected by Service Outage".
