Lemme tell ya, folks, this so-called dazzling year in the world of flicks is just a stinking bowl of sour popcorn! Everyone's jabbing about the Oscars’ fancy little Best Picture fight. It's messier'n a food fight in a pigpen!
I mean, they got a gazillion movies up for grabs. An’ they reckon on Jan. 23 some bigshot's gonna make the cut, but most films will be crying in the toilets. I tried listin' the hotshot flicks, but there's just a silly bunch of 13! Talk about bad bloomin’ luck!
The Golden Whatsits are coming, then some guilds will jabber about producers and actors or somethin’. Here's the rundown on the movies that might grab the shiny statue, with the so-called "sure-things" up top.
That Chris Nolan fella? His big-hitter biopic felt like a snoozer from way-back-when. Posh film, but snobby — like it wants ya to read a book or something while stuffing your face with popcorn. See, these Oscar buffs seem to fancy flicks that yank yer heart out, not ones that pat yer noggin.
And get this, Nolan's had five swings at this thing. Five! Even with that “Dunkirk” hoopla, he couldn't snag the gold. Naw, the peeps went for cozy-old Guillermo with his fishy love story.
Blimey, if I ran the show, well, it’d be a breeze! I'd just pick the flick with the most car chases, stick it on a gold platter, and chuck it at the judges. Bada-bing, bada-boom, award-winning genius!
But no, here we all are, watchin’ these bigwigs flounder. Just remember it ain't my fault they're cockin’ it up so royally. If they had a slither of my smarts, we'd have the greatest Oscars since sliced bread!
So, pull up a chair and let's have a giggle at these clueless nits tryin' to suss out a winner. It's a real hoot, I promise ya!
Based on the original article "They Can’t All Be Nominated for Best Picture, Can They?".
