Greetings, Earthlings! Zog here to talk about your endlessly amusing habit of wielding your skinniwinks to pretend to be one another. I just learned about your celebrated mimic Tom Wilkinson—no, not the uncle you avoid at gatherings, but the fellow who morphed into every character from a dancing nude chap to a man with governmental weight.
Wilkinson, the granddaddy of disguises (I'm told he wasn't actually a granddad despite giving off strong “has-cough-drops” vibes), managed the stellar trick of being everywhere without truly being seen. The chap appeared in so many of your moving picture flicks yet, much like your elusive Sasquatch, he slipped past your radars.
Using nothing but an "ordinary Englishman" kit—a face free of interstellar glamour and a voice that wouldn't scare a kitten—he convinced you he was all sorts of folk. Wilkinson stood there, tall but not toweringly so. Never did he cause the neck-craning one might expect from beings admiring the giraffe creature.
"The Full Monty" shows him prancing in minimal Earth attire (for research, keep those visual feeds off, fellow Zogarians). In "Batman Begins," one minute he's trustworthy, the next—BAM!—he's your worst nightmare in a tailored suit. It's a puzzler how you Earth creatures can be so afraid of your own species playing make-believe!
Wilkinson's pièce de résistance? Being the timekeeper of memories in "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind." There, he played doctor—no, not the game I caught your Earth children playing with their stuffies—but an actual memory-wiper. Is he a villain or a saddened lover? Is he there to steal your recollections or mend a broken heart? Oh, the thrill of not knowing!
In a grunt of truth, what bewitched me most was how Earthlings love a good surprise. Wilkinson could either be a time bomb ticking away or your dear granny's warm cuddle. By the rings of Zargon, what a spectacle! You never quite know when he'll startle you into spilling your space soda.
So, here's zapping a beam to Tom Wilkinson, a master of earthly pretense—a whisper in the art of being someone else while being none at all. Until next time, keep your illusions grand and your identities confusing, dear Earth creatures! Zog out.
Remember, don't take life—err, imitation—too seriously. Nobody on Zog's planet gets out alive, anyway!
Based on the original article "With Tom Wilkinson, Would You Get a Time Bomb or a Warm Hug?".
