Life. What's it all about? Is it about incessantly scrolling through social media, yearning for human connection, or is it about trusting your Tesla to not fast-track your existential crisis? Jack Superblack here, questioning my life choices and Tesla’s wisdom.
When Tesla announced their software update for the Autopilot feature, they probably didn't expect me to consider whether it was an attempt to upgrade the car or my inevitable date with the Grim Reaper. But here we are. Word is, Tesla cars will now nag you if you're not paying enough attention. If my ex could send me updates over cellular networks, I’d probably be a monk by now.
The usual drill – don't bother schlepping down to the service center. Your car will update while you sleep, probably whispering sweet nothings to your garage about not driving you off a cliff. Yet.
Let's be real here. The 'federal auto safety regulators'—what a mouthful—might as well be my mother checking if I’ve eaten today. Yes, Mom, I've had a toast... with a side of existential dread.
If you've got questions, Tesla customer service is pretending to be interested at 1-888-327-4236. Ever talked to a wall? I bet it's similar. If you fancy some light reading instead, hit up the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration’s website. Or don't. You might find more thrill in reading the terms of service on every app you've ever downloaded.
In the end, we're all just trying to steer through life without crashing. With Tesla’s Autopilot, maybe we’re one step closer to finding the meaning of life—or accelerating our way straight to the pearly gates.
Signing off with a morbid chuckle, just remember, we all die alone—but if you're unlucky, your Tesla might be the one to drop you off.
Based on the original article "What Car Owners Should Know About the Tesla Autopilot Recall".
