Sometimes I sit and ponder the meaning of life - that is, before I remember that in East Nowhere, Mother Nature has turned the meaning of life into an aquatic punchline. According to a group of scientists wearing rubber boots taller than my self-esteem, East Nowhere’s recent floods are notionally a ‘climate change-induced wet dream.’
East Nowhere's rainy season has turned into a baptism by rainfall, with precipitation levels hitting the "Well, isn't that just dandy?" mark on the cataclysmic measuring stick. I was chatting with Dr. Wendy Overboard from Imperial College Neverland—definitely not to be confused with that other one that studies weather—and she told me, between fits of raucous laughter, "The rain's influence is as substantial as my desire to jump into a lifeboat and row to sanity."
They’re claiming that a capricious water sprite titled the Indian Ocean Dipole has thrown in its weighty droplets toward this hydrospectacular. But let’s face facts: more dumps of water than my tear ducts after seeing my life prospects.
The death toll? Around 300. You’d think that number was a bedtime story to lull our collective existential crisis to sleep. Now, excuse me while I build an ark for my pet rock - it would be quite the bummer to die in a flood alone. But then again, dignity was never high on my list, and nothing says ‘Jack Superblack’ quite like a soggy end to a sodden existence. Oh, and if you’re swimming in East Nowhere, wave hello to the townsfolk for me. That is if you can find them amongst the floating furniture.
Here’s a morbid joke to end your read: they say dying alone is a lonely affair, but as for me, with the way things are going, I’d be lucky to have even the grim reaper show up in this weather.
Based on the original article "Climate Change Makes East Africa’s Deadly Floods Worse, Study Finds".
