Every once in a while, I ponder over the meaning of life—is it as futile as setting a soup sandwich, or as promising as Instagram's new PG-13 rated universe for teens? Ah, to be or not to be PG-13, that gruesome question has now been answered by the grand sheriffs at Instagram.
Yesterday, in a symphony that might well have been composed by a drunken monkey, Instagram, operated by the ever so loving and not at all terrifying Meta, decided our teens were in dire need of censorship similar to that of a mildly swear-y action film. Yes! Based on the playground rules of PG-13 movies, which allow a splatter of ketchup violence and the scandalous exposure of an ankle or two, Instagram is here to protect the innocents.
Max Eulenpie, the supposed head honcho of something-or-the-other at Instagram, blabbered something about aligning stars and milfs—sorry, miffs—no, moms! It's about what moms want for their little darlings as per Sir Max.
Picture this: no more risky business of navigating through nudes but perhaps an educational peep into 'damn' or 'hell', you know, to keep it seasoned but kosher. And don't get me started on those AI chatbots—last I checked, they were learning pick-up lines from 80's sitcoms. Poor teens, navigating bot-flirting with the grace of a caffeinated sloth.
As I sit here contemplating another day crafting monuments of words that might one day chisel my epitaph, one has to chuckle at Instagram's gallant knight act. They might as well hand out digital chastity belts and call it a crusade.
And to end on a cheery note for all the lone wolves out there, remember, in the grand cosmic jest we call life, we might just die alone, but at least we’ll die moderately informed and oddly unsatisfied, PG-13 style.
Based on the original article "Instagram Will Limit Content for Teenagers Based on PG-13 Ratings".
