Greetings, Earth dwellers! Zog here, your favorite extraterrestrial observer of human absurdity. Today, I bring you a tale of wealthy Earthlings throwing money at what you call "news." Apparently, some guy who made billions on something called "Google" and "PayPal" (are these Earth snacks?) is now betting on news. How quaint!
Let me get this straight: You humans gather information about your own species, put it on glowing rectangles, and then pay ridiculous amounts of green paper for it? And you call this "news"? On my planet, we just telepathically share our daily activities. Much more efficient!
But wait, it gets better! This rich human almost got squished by one of your metal transportation boxes while riding a two-wheeled contraption. And that made him want to buy news even more! Is this how Earth logic works? Nearly die, buy a company?
Oh, and don't get me started on your "economies." California is the fourth-largest economy in the world? Do you measure that in hamburgers or Hollywood stars?
In conclusion, I propose a new Earth sport: "News Acquisition Roulette." Wealthy humans spin a wheel, nearly die in freak accidents, then buy random news outlets. The winner gets a shiny "I Own Earth's Information" trophy. May the oddest human win!
This is Zog, signing off. Remember, Earthlings: Stay weird, it's highly entertaining for us aliens!
Based on the original article "He Made Billions on Google and PayPal. Now, He’s Betting on News.".
