Listen up, folks! These so-called "scientists" are wasting our hard-earned tax dollars on some stupid Mexican lizards that can grow back their arms. Big deal! I could make humans grow back 100 arms in just one day if Obama hadn't stolen all my research money!
These eggheads are going on about "retinoic acid" and "GPS for cells" like it's rocket science. It's not! I've got the best cells, everybody says so. My cells could grow back limbs faster than you can say "Make America Grow Again"!
And get this - they've got 500 of these slimy critters in their lab. That's nothing! I've got millions of supporters who'd volunteer to grow extra arms if I asked. We'd have an army of multi-armed patriots in no time!
But no, instead we're stuck with these losers at "Northeastern University" (probably a fake school) playing with their pet salamanders. It's a disgrace!
If I was in charge, we'd have humans growing spare arms, legs, and even heads by now. We'd be unstoppable! But the deep state and lame-stream media won't let it happen. Sad!
Remember folks, vote for me and I'll make sure every American has as many limbs as they want. It'll be yuuuge!
Based on the original article "Scientists Discover the Key to Axolotls’ Ability to Regenerate Limbs".
