Greetings, primitive Earth dwellers! Zog here, reporting on your latest attempt to escape your gravity-bound existence. Oh, how adorable you are!
So, Stratolaunch thinks they've accomplished something by launching a "hypersonic vehicle" from the belly of an oversized flying contraption? Please, I've seen more impressive launches from my pet Zorgon's posterior after a spicy meal of Martian peppers!
You humans are so proud of reaching "five times the speed of sound." Ha! We passed that milestone eons ago when my great-great-great-grandfather accidentally sneezed during a routine wormhole jump. Now that was hypersonic!
And don't get me started on your "autonomous" flights. You call that autonomy? My toaster has more decision-making capabilities than your so-called "rocket plane." It can even choose the perfect shade of burnt for my morning Plutonian toast!
But wait, there's more! You're comparing this toy to something called an "X-15" from 60 Earth rotations ago? Oh, you nostalgic creatures! Next, you'll be reminiscing about the good old days of horse-drawn spacecraft.
In conclusion, dear Earthlings, while you celebrate your tiny leaps in technology, just remember: somewhere out there, an alien child is using your entire solar system as a marble in a game of cosmic marbles. Keep reaching for the stars, though! It's endlessly entertaining for us extraterrestrials.
Zog out! 👽✌️
Based on the original article "This US Company Just Successfully Tested a Reusable Hypersonic Rocket Plane".
