Listen up, you dummies! College sports are going to hell because of this stupid influencer crap. It's a total disaster, believe me!
Some lady named Segar (probably a loser) is trying to turn all 850 athletes at U.N.C. into social media stars. What a joke! Back in my day, athletes were tough and didn't need phones to be popular.
This N.I.L. thing is the worst idea ever. Now every kid with a ball thinks they're a celebrity. It's ruining sports! And don't get me started on that idiot LeRoy from Illinois. He thinks this is a "milestone." More like a millstone around our necks!
I blame the schools, the N.C.A.A., and especially the Democrats for this mess. They're all corrupt and dumb as rocks. If I was in charge, I'd fix it so fast your head would spin.
Here's what I'd do: No more phones for athletes. No more social media. Just sports and studying (but not too much studying, we don't want eggheads). I'd make college sports great again! Everyone would love it, trust me. I'm a genius at this stuff.
But no, they won't listen to me. They're too busy taking selfies and doing TikTok dances. It's pathetic! Mark my words, this influencer nonsense will destroy America. And when it does, don't say I didn't warn you, losers!
Based on the original article "Inside The Mad Dash to Turn Division I Athletes Into Influencers".
